He had a very sweet and gentle spirit about him…and his eyes were kind. Not in that condescending or sympathetic manner either. I could tell he’d done this before.
I couldn’t be a doctor; especially one who can say the hard things with that much poise and grace.
The doctor stood there with his kind eyes and gently delivered the horrific blow, “It’s a cancer of the blood… in the same family with Lymphoma and Leukemia. It’s called Multiple Myeloma.” We sat there in stunned silence. “…and, there is no cure.” His words delivered the final punch.
Carl could possibly drift in and out of remission for the rest of his life. It’s treatable, but there is no cure. I couldn’t look my husband in the face.
We were looking at test after test, months of chemo, radiation, a stem cell transplant, two to three months in and near the hospital over 100 miles from home. All of THAT, and more, for a small window of opportunity to fight cancer all over again… and again… and again…till death do us part.
A million thoughts and questions collided at once in my mind. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My worst fears materialized and excruciating terror seared through my veins.
“God?” I barely whispered. My prayer started and ended right there.
Over the next few days and weeks, fear and anxiety occupied every corner of my mind. I begged, cried, and pleaded with God for it to be a mistake. I waited for the doctor to call and tell us the test results were wrong.
The tears continued to fall. My heart shattered over and over. The phone never rang. The doctor never called.
But God…
One evening our then 17-year-old daughter sat at our dining room table with a distraught look on her face. I asked her what was wrong.
“Dad… might die.” Her response knocked the breath out of me for a moment.
After weeks of agonizing, crying, and praying…I felt God almost instantly breathe a new hope into my heart.
“You know what, Jaci? Dad IS going to die…someday. Whether or not it’s from a car wreck today, or from cancer in 2 years, or at the ripe old age of 100…. dad IS going to die! But where will he go?”
“Heaven!” Her face brightened a little.
“EXACLTY!” My heart began to race as the promises of God began to flood my mind.
I continued, “And WHEN that happens, if we are still here, it will NOT be fun. As a matter of fact it will be HARD! REAL HARD! But God promises to never leave us nor forsake us. HE will take care of us. We can trust His promises!”
My fears and anxieties began to melt as I thought about the Apostle Paul and his thorn in the flesh. Three times he asked the Lord to take it away in the same way I was begging God to let the doctor call back and tell us the diagnosis was wrong so we wouldn’t have to face this.
Paul stated, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)
The doctor didn’t call back. The diagnosis was correct. The cancer wasn’t going to go away on its own.
But my prayers were answered in that moment with my daughter.
We were going to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and God was going to give us exactly what we needed to get through it that day…and the next day…again…and again… and again…. till death do us part.
God wasn’t going to take us out of the fight, but He was going to pour out His all-sufficient grace over us to walk through the valley of cancer in His perfect strength.
Cancer is our battle ground… HIS GRACE is our battle cry!
This world is not my home. I don’t belong here. I know this. The enemy knows this. And because Satan knows, he launches his fiery missiles at me exposing the tenderness of all my shortcomings and weaknesses trying to destroy my testimony of the mercy, love, and grace of Jesus.
When my weaknesses are exposed, they are not a disappointment to God! He sees them as opportunities to show His glory through His grace!
I don’t know what valley you are facing today, but if the enemy is launching a full-on attack against you, RUN! Run to HIS waterfall of grace. Stand under the steady flow and let the power of Christ rest upon you… all for His glory!
Soli Deo Gloria!
Meet the Blogger – Read Laura Robinson’s Bio
Laura is an avid reader, storyteller, and chaser of Jesus sharing bits and pieces of her view from beneath HIS waterfall of grace…all for the glory of God.
Thank your sharing! You, Carl, and your family are courageous! My prayer for you is showers of blessing and grace beyond measure! God bless!
Thank you, Andrea! His grace is the hope we have that carries us through! Thank you for your prayers. Bless you, sweet lady, and thank you for your selfless service and sacrifice for the community of Wichita Falls. You and your family are in our prayers.
Just BEAUTIFUL 💓 I LOVE YOU, this is truly an amazing miracle story . I admire your strength, and seeing how God has worked is pure inspiration and gives so hope to help others! God you get ALL the Glory 🙌
Thank you, Crystal! I love you so very much! Thank you for your love, support, and prayers! You mean the world to me! God is so good! Soli Deo Gloria
I’m so sorry for your trials but God is using you as we speak. You have a wonderful testimony & sweet spirit. May God continue to walk with you daily & give you the strength & comfort that you need. I still think of you often, always with that gigantic smile & twinkle in your eyes. Love you Laura. You & your family will be in my prayers.
Lydia
Thank you, Lydia! God is so good to us, especially in the valleys! Love and miss you, Sister!
Lovely!
Thank you, Sam! God is good all the time!
I love this with my whole heart. ❤️
Thank you, Tracey! I’ve never fully understood how grief and joy could coexist…until now…and God is still good! Love you, Sister.
That is beautiful, Laura! You made me cry, again. I’ve missed your devotionals, my friend. God Bless You and Carl and your family. ❤️
Thank you, Christy! God is so good to us all, even in the valleys. He’s always with us. Love and miss you! We’re praying for Shannon and you!
This is beautiful! What a wonderful testimony you and Carl are to others! Prayers for you, Carl and your family. ❤️
Thank you, Felicia! God is good all the time and His grace is enough! We all are so blessed!
I love this. Thank you.
Thank you, Michelle! God is good!
What a wonderful testimony! I’m privileged to have had a window of watching God work – answering prayers with miracles and getting to rejoice with your sweet family. Keep sharing!!
Thank you, Diane! HIS mercy, love, and grace astonishes me over and over!
Spot in, Laura! It’s so easy for us to get caught up in the world’s thinking that it’s all about this life-our comfort, happiness or lack of sickness & pain, but those aren’t eternal values. Often, as you & your family know, sickness and pain can be the impetus to draw us closer to Him and to see more clearly what is truly important. I love hearing your thoughts!
Thank you, Debra! You are so right! He uses everything, especially sickness and pain to draw us closer to Him and I’m ever so grateful for His love, mercy, and grace during those valley walks! Love and miss you, Sister!
Thank you for trusting us with your heart. I have not walked your journey but I have had several to walk. I too have found God’s grace sufficient. I like the way you said it, “When my weaknesses are exposed, they are not a disappointment to God! He sees them as opportunities to show His glory through His grace!” Your dialogue with your daughter just helped me. As a Pastor’s wife I am speechless at times when trust God just doesn’t seem to be the right answer. I love your honest, poignant truth laced with God amazing grace.
Thank you, Calvonia! Trusting God in the valley has been the most difficult lesson, and I’m not even very good at that still, but He is always there with me every step and proves His love over and over again. He doesn’t have to but He wants to….wow! His grace is sufficient, indeed! Thank you for reading and commenting. Have a blessed day!